#shakennotforsaken

I've been experiencing a lot of health issues lately (unexplained anemia and high blood pressure mostly).  When this all started to happen, I thought it was "funny" that it was happening during the current series at MidTowne, "Shaken"..."funny" meaning completely perfect in God's timing. ;) 

 

For me, being #shakennotforsaken is:

 

1)  Remembering the blessing of having a husband that takes care of me and our kids...and allowing that blessing in my life.  Most of us have that sort of blessing in our lives, but do not allow it due to our own pride.  That blessing may not come in the form of an awesome husband like mine, but in other brothers and sisters in Christ.

The most difficult part of this type of suffering is that it doesn't just affect me, but our entire family.  As a stay-at-home mom/homemaker, my job is to take care of my family and our house.  This is much more difficult to do when there are days that you physically cannot get out of bed and days where it seems too daunting to.

In the past, Joshua has had to become a "single dad," taking care of the household chores, meals, and our children (and everything that comes with that).  He is a very "hands on" dad and that has been a comfort for me, but I can't help but feel that I am letting my family down.  Joshua also reminds me that our circumstances are not a surprise to God and that He will give our kids grace (as He gives us grace) to deal with these circumstances.  God gives us grace moment-by-moment, not for tomorrow, but for each day as it comes.

 

2)  Remembering God's sovereignty...the truth is that we (our family, particularly Joshua and I) have been though this type of suffering before.  I was experiencing symptoms that could not be explained by the various doctors that I counsulted.  We prayed for a wise doctor, diagnosis, and treatment.  But, we also believed in God's complete sovereignty...God will do what glorifies Himself and it may not glorify Him for me to be healed, but to live in the current circumstance, for whatever reason, believing that would glorify Him the most.  

Now that I am experiencing somewhat unexplained symptoms and physical ailments/discomfort yet again, I am finding myself back at that place of longing, yearning, and trusting in God's sovereignty...total dependence on Him.  There are days that are exhausting; physically, emotionally, and spiritually, but I pray for healing and comfort.

 

3)  Remembering to trust the wise counsel that God has perfectly placed in my life...meaning my doctors.  Dr. Chi, my rheumatologist, has been a literal "lifesaver" as far as my physical health and Dr. Thompson, my psycharist, has been a literal "lifesaver" as far as my mental health.  Both are Christians and understand the importance of God's sovereignty in our (Joshua and I) approach to dealing with these circumstances.  They both have gone above and beyond what most doctors would...for that we are truly thankful.  They have given me every reason and indication to trust them, hence trusting God.  Trusting God and His provisions, in my opinion, is one of the most vital parts of being #shakennotforsaken.

 

4)  Remembering to take the right perspective.  So, I am notorious for quoting Relient K song lyrics...God speaks to many people in many different ways and for me, Matthew Thessien has been somewhat of a discipler in my life.  His lyrics are rich in Scripture (without quoting Scripture outright).  One of the lyrics that I have held on to during this time is, "When a nightmare finally does unfold, perspective is a lovely hand to hold..."  Though what I am facing is nowhere near a nightmare, it is still a great reminder to have a right perspective on your circumstances.

 

Paul Tripp says, "When you tell yourself that you're all alone in your struggles, you are believing an anti-gospel that forgets the presence of Christ."  That is the essence of being #shakennotforsaken.

my apologies

I have not written for a while because my life got crazy busy... 

I have been doing a lot of volunteer work for my sorority Sigma Sigma Sigma (http://www.sigmasigmasigma.org/) and that has taken up a lot of my time.  I am a National Officer for TriSigma serving in as part of a Regional Support Team for 2 chapters in Florida.  I am also now the Chapter Advisor for the Alpha Omicron chapter...which has proven to take up the most of my "Sigma time" or the time that I allow myself to work on Sigma stuff.

I am also volunteering for a "mommies group" (http://www.littlerockmommies.com/) as a Moderator (event planner).  I attend most of the events that I plan.  Proven to be a lot of fun and quality time with Zeke.

I am now part of a Bible Study group at my church that meets a few times a month.  It's been a great time of learning and fellowship...truly thankful for that.

Of course my family takes up a lot of my time...and I enjoy and look forward to every minute of that time.  I will more than likely be homeschooling Zeke in the fall, but Ruthie will attend school...for now.

God has really been moving in my life lately...showing me some deep rooted sin issues that I refuse to deal with until they were in my face (by God's design and purpose for me!).  Planning on getting more stuff on here in the future.  Please continue to be patient with me (for those who actually care what I have to say!).

Still torn...

Still struggling with some things...still torn about what I should be sharing to ultimately glorify God...

Torn...

I'm greatly debating, and praying, about things that I should share on this blog...and things that I shouldn't.  There are so many personal struggles in my life (struggles that effect almost everyone around me) that I really believe God allows me to go through for my sanctification and for others to be blessed and benefit from...But, in your flesh (and from the lies of the devil), you feel you will be rejected or looked down on.  And is part of what God wants to sanctify in me...the fear of sharing these things with people, letting them see who I really am and what I suffer through daily?

This is also an issue for me because once you put something on the internet...it is there forever and you can never take it back.  Should I allow something so personal to me become so public?  I mean, there is sitting down with a friend, having a cup of coffee, discussing what God is doing in your life and then there is allowing the whole world access to your heart, your struggles, and the gigantic, monstrous, painful thorns in your side.

Torn is a good word to describe me this week...

God vs. Others

I ran across this statement while doing my Beth Moore Bible Study today.  A few quotes from Beth:

"In moments like these, we learn where our confidence is.  However unintentionally, is it in the presence of other believers with stronger faith?"

"We'll never discover what God has empowered us to do personally if we are dependent on the presence of our leadership.  We'll never discover our strengths in the power of God if we keep drawing off another's."

These statements remind me of my favorite devotional out of my favorite devotional book, My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers.  This comes from the devotion for February 12 titled, "Are Listening to God?":

"We don't consciously and deliberately disobey God--we simply don't listen to Him...We show how little love we have for God by preferring to listen to His servants rather than to Him.  We like to listen to personal testimonies, but we don't want God Himself to speak to us.  Why are we so terrified  for God to speak to us?  It is because we know that when God speaks we must either do what He asks or tell Him we will not obey..."

"Am I constantly humilitating God by ignoring Him, while He lovingly continues to treat me as His child?"

Of course, this is not the entire devotional, but it highlights the main points (at least in my opinion!).  I tend to take other believers' word, stronger believers', over the Word of God.  It's easy to do.  I think we have a lot to learn through the servants of God, considering Proverbs 27:17.  But, I have so much to learn from God Himself.  And that is scary...I don't want to unintentionally choose to disobey God.  Listening to God...so much easier said than done... 

Grrr...

Seriously...Grrrr.  That's what I've heard for the last few weeks from Zeke.  When I ask him questions, talk to him, tell him to do something...he growls at me.  Where is this coming from?  I have no idea, but it's getting old.  He seems angry all the time and really emotional.  He also doesn't seem as close to me as he use to be...if that makes any sense.  I'm not so much liking this phase and I'm praying that we all learn whatever it is that we need to learn from this phase so it can move on!  I am trying to love/discipline my little boy the best way I can and this throws me for a loop.  Prayers are appreciated.

Filtered Love: Mark 12:30

Again with the Beth Moore study...Today I was reading over one of the studies and came across this: 

Christ never preached the annihilation of affection.  He taught the redirection of affection.  Human affection first directed to God and filtered through His Hands returns to us far healthier and fit for others.  That's one reason we are commanded to love Him first before we love others.  Love that goes through Him first is filtered.

Completely profound.  As a Christian, you are always told that God has a reason for everything He does, for everything He tells us to do.  But, you never think that God has a reason for telling us to do something and you should take Him literally and do it in the order that He tells you to...
 
Mark 12:30 says, "...'And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'  The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'  There is no other commandment greater than these."  

I know that I should love God and that I should love my neighbor, but I've never thought about there being a reason that He tells me to love Him before I love my neighbor...There are so many times that I try to love my neighbor (others) and I get so frustrated because it is so absolutely, ridiculously hard.  Apparently, it's because I've not filtered that love through God by loving Him first...truly loving Him first.  It makes so much more sense that He would have a reason for telling us to love God, then love your neighbor.  I want my love for others to be a healthy love and a love fit for others...what does that even look like, a love fit for others?  A love that displays Christ and sees others the way that Christ sees them.

The hardest part?  Others includes my husband and my children...I most definitely want to have a love that is fit for them, my primary ministry.

NOTE:  My baby Ezra Ruth turns 5 years old today.  We had her birthday party on Saturday, but today I took some little cupcakes to her class.  After school, Joshua met us at the library so that Ruthie could get her first library card.  She (and we) were so excited!  I can't believe that she is already 5 years old.  So many things I wish I could have done better, but there are so many days ahead!